Ever Onward

On the Road - Quote

The last time I found myself homeless, it was the result of an abusive spouse and her overwhelming desire to see me suffer. This time, my homelessness was somewhat planned – well, as much as one can really plan for this sort of thing. I finally got my parents away from the hellhole known as Utah. Having gone through my old belongings stored in their basement and assisting with the packing/storing of their worldly goods, I found myself ready for a new adventure. I’d put a little work into my 13-year-old Toyota Corolla (Bling – newly renamed “Bling the Undying” as a testament to his strength) and felt reasonably sure that he could survive another long adventure on the road. I felt the interstates and highways calling to me, their cries reverberating through my veins and echoing in the darkest corners of my weary soul.

Now I found myself holed up in another hotel, poring eagerly over my trusted map as I charted my course. The first stop would be Colorado – Loveland, to be more precise. If I had the time, maybe I’d drive down to Denver the next day and spend the night there. I had always wanted to roam the streets of Denver. Regardless, I hoped to set foot in a dispensary somewhere along the way. The concept of weed being legal, of it being sold in a retail environment, was so utterly foreign to me; I wanted to experience it for myself and – if I was lucky – maybe even make a purchase. Being physically disabled and in pain 24/7 made me curious as to its medicinal properties – specifically, its ability to provide relief from pain. From Denver, I would head through Kansas. I figured I could make it as far as Hays, or maybe Wichita, depending on whether or not I spent a night in Denver. After that, I’d make my way through Missouri and Tennessee before ending up in North Carolina, where I hoped to spend a night or two in Asheville before heading closer to the Charlotte area.

Beyond that … ? I wasn’t sure. I’m still not. One thing seems certain: the world is more open and full of possibilities now than it’s been in a long time. The feeling is both exhilarating and terrifying.

Remembering How to Smile


My absence was unintentional, but I think it was productive in the long run. A long time ago, I met an elderly woman who struggled with dementia. Her state of mind was such that she didn’t know she was in the world most of the time but there were occasional lucid moments. It was during one of these lucid moments that she said something I’ve never forgotten: sometimes you have to go away for awhile to remember how to smile. It seems so simple at first, but it’s one of those statements that becomes more profound the more you think about it.

That phrase came to mind over the last month, as I made some big changes in my life and worked towards getting back into a routine with my writing. I’d wanted to blog again for awhile, but I wasn’t sure what I had to say. Did I have anything worth saying? I suppose it’s a moot point; I’ve always blogged for myself, really, although I’ve enjoyed any company/friendships made along the journey. There’s so much to talk about, too: the progress I’ve made over the last year, current events, domestic violence awareness/recovery, video games, game development, writing, moving, house hunting, and so on.

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there – I suppose that’s just as true with writing as it is with anything else. It’s good to be back and it will be interesting to figure out where I’m going.